Actually, the journey continues, because I am attempting to do something I have tried to do many other times, and never succeeded. However, something is different this time around.
I must begin by giving you a history lesson about myself:
I grew up with a mentally ill mother (whom I only stayed with during Christmas' and summers) and a workaholic, uninvolved father. I was ahead of my time and began experimenting with drugs, alcohol, and sex at the young age of 13. I have continued to do so up until, well...... now. I endured many traumatic events and have struggled as a young mother and wife, up until, well....now. I have masked my problems with alcohol, marijuana and cigarettes all along the way and have pushed my emotions deeper into the depths of my already halfway beating heart.
I have a 6 year-old beautiful and extremely intelligent little girl, who deserves nothing but the best and definitely not an alcoholic mother. I am married to an amazing man who has stood by my side for 10 years, and has forgiven me even though I have betrayed him repeatedly. He also deals with a problem with alcohol and cigarettes and we have deep issues that need to be resolved, however, our time is spent with friends and alone drinking whatever is around at the moment. Let's just say that things are out of control and have been for a long time.
I HAVE to make a change, not only one, but many.
I am a Christian (I don't know if I can really call myself one, but I am determined to live up to that title), and I know God did not create me to be this way. I want to live a happy, sober, healthy life for God, my family and myself. I want to set a good example for my daughter so she does not follow in my footsteps. The only hard part is that I did not have a good example set for me, so I honestly don't know how a functional, happy family operates. However, I am determined to figure that out.
I have two goals in this process:
1. To prove to myself and others that it is impossible to be TRULY happy without God and without living how he designed us to live and how he has instructed us to live.
2. To become healthy physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally for the first time in my life. The hard part is I am doing it all at once, however, anything is possible with God, so I believe and have faith in Him that He will be by my side every step of the way.
I created this blog to possibly help others, but also to create a sense of accountability even if I have only one reader! I have decided to post daily for at least 30 days (longer if need be), and I promise to be open and honest about my day. I realize this isn't going to be easy, and I will be tempted and highly irritated at times, but I also think that so many lessons are going to be learned and God's love and mercy will shine through.
With love in Him,
Beth
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