The NKJV mentions the word love approximately 442 times. The Bible tells us that God is love, and that we were created in His image, therefore context clues lead me to believe that we are also love. That is hard to believe in certain circumstances when serial killers, child molesters, rapists, and murderers come to mind, however, we must take into consideration that those people were not created that way (contrary to what some psychiatrists say, but quite frankly I don't care what they say, I care what God says. After all much of their ideas and studies are categorized as "theories" anyhow, obviously because they don't have enough proof, and that's probably because it's not true to begin with). I am not discrediting science, after all God created that too, I am simply discrediting certain studies that are contrary to the Bible (such as the one mentioned above, as well as others like people are born gay, we came from monkeys, out of a huge explosion of energy all of the miraculous, breathtaking elements of life just magically appeared, etc.)
Sorry, as you know by now if you are a loyal reader of my posts, I can get off course. Back to love.....
The dictionary describes love as "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person."
The Bible tells us:
"Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end... And now faith, hope and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
Now it sounds beautiful to read it, and definitely something I want to feel and how I want to live my life. However, I actually found myself wondering if I have ever truly felt love. How does love feel? I have had people offer me love, but did I accept it? Can you accept a gift without truly receiving it? I know I have loved others, I think of when my daughter was born, or the day I married my husband, and I know I felt love then, but to what degree? Have I missed out on large quantities of the very thing that makes the world go round? The very emotion we were created from and made to give. The answer is - I think so, pretty sure I know so.
It would take me all night to explain it in depth so I'm gonna summarize:
Child never feels love, never gets attention, starts trying to get attention (negative or positive, doesn't matter), starts getting in to trouble and making bad decisions, feels bad for doing bad things, doesn't love self, blames self for everything, ends up with shame, guilt, anger, depression, regret, extremely low self-esteem and a jacked up self-image. How's that for summary? And at a 3rd grade level to ensure no confusion!
I wanted love at first, but after much discouragement and dismay, my search for love turned into a search for approval. All I wanted was to be accepted, sometimes in the wrong way. I tried to be like who I was hanging out with in order to receive that acceptance. I always wanted to make people happy and meet their approval. I gave myself to guys that didn't deserve my time, let alone my body. I allowed myself to take part in things I knew were wrong whether it be atmosphere, conversation, music, etc. I continued to do things I hated, all the while not knowing why I was doing it. In turn, each bad memory took a portion of my self-love supply and eventually the supply was empty. I found myself going through the motions without truly loving life. I would watch others and desire more than anything to have their joy and appreciation for life. Although I might of appeared to have it, it was nowhere in me. Life was not beautiful to me, it wasn't special, matter of fact there were plenty of times I would ask God why he put me here and be angry because I didn't ask to be here.
The reality is hurt people, hurt people. And not just other people, but themselves as well. I have felt better this last couple of weeks than possibly any other time in my life. Once I started taking care of my body, things changed. I have begun to forgive myself, as well as love myself. I am a good person, I have a good heart, I have been blessed with a beautiful family and I have more than a lot of people in this world. God has been on my side and protected me through it all. He has forgiven me and He has a plan for my life. He LOVES me, and I LOVE Him. I don't know if I truly loved Him before. I always knew He was there, I acknowledged Him as my Creator, yet I didn't have a relationship with Him. We're tight now, I spend time with Him, I talk to Him, He talks to me, I have begun to hate evil, and have a desire to do good.
I am a walking testimony to His word and His precepts. He knows what is best for us and He loves us so much. Tears come to my eyes when I say that because it is more real to me now than ever before. I don't think a lot of people truly realize how deep His love is for us... I know I didn't.
Love yourself, you are a beautiful creation. Take care of yourself. Don't beat yourself up for past mistakes. Don't let your history affect your destiny. Don't let the enemy lie to you any longer. Spend time with God everyday, even if it's just 5 minutes. He wants your attention, he wants your love, he wants to be intimate with you. He will talk to you, he will reveal things to you and most of all..... He will LOVE you and you will feel it.
Beth your words are so inspiring and true! I'm so proud of you for keeping up with the blog and sticking to your goals. The revelations that you've had lately are a blessing that most people hear all their lives and never listen to. What you're doing with your life, turning it around and accepting the past as the past is truly inspiring. I know that I've struggled with these same things, and would have NEVER guessed that I shared those trials with you. Congrats on the 2 weeks that's a big milestone!
ReplyDelete