Anyhow, moving on....
In the words of Oprah, I just had an "aha moment!" As I type this my eyes are so swollen it is hard for me to see the screen. I just had a good cry, a deep cry, the kind that comes from the depths of your soul. It was cleansing and most definitely necessary for the healing process I am undergoing.
Thank God for revelation knowledge. As we grow and mature, we realize and understand things we have known all along, yet in a different way, a different light. That is what has happened to me on more than one occasion but definitely tonight.
I began to think about my past behavior and why I have done the things I've done. I questioned why I am full of so many wounds and such deep hurt. I went to my quiet place (my closet) and fell on my knees before God. The answer I got to the question I asked was this: You never felt you had a place, yet you've had a place all along. Very simple, yet very complex. Visions of my life's history rushed through my mind. I never felt at home, no matter where I was. At my mom's house I was on a couch in the living room, at my Dad's, it never felt "homey" and most of the time he was working, I lived with numerous people after that which I am extremely grateful for, but I was the charity case. Those people weren't my parents, that wasn't my home, that was their home and the house I lived in. That's what I have been doing all along-trying to find my place in this world. That's really what we are all doing. There's only one problem: most of us are looking in the wrong places.
Alcohol, drugs (legal and illegal), food, clothes, money, cars, fame, success, etc. That is where people are trying to find their place. Have you noticed that none of them are happy? Depression and anxiety have skyrocketed within the last decade. People are lost. They're drowning in all of the crap they are consuming themselves in and around. Everyone's trying to find their purpose, their reason for existence. Why go on a lifelong search full of empty promises and negative results when the guide, the source, was written and placed before us thousands of years ago. We all have a place, that place is temporarily here on earth. However, we are created to be eternal beings. David in Psalms tells us this life is but a breath. Our happiness, our purpose, everything we are searching for, everything we need is waiting for us. We have to run this race and stay focused. We can't get off course by all of life's distractions.
So even if I never felt I had a place in this life, it really doesn't matter, and I can let go off all those wounds and all that hurt because I always have and always will have a place with my Papa, my maker, my creator.
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