Day 1

Day one was extremely easy, as it always is. I have been down this road before and really the first several days are easy. You're full of motivation and determination, and you feel good about yourself and your decision to change......until your first temptation, party invite, bad fight with the spouse, or stressful situation. That's when the true test comes, and in my case, when I fail. However, I promised my daughter today I would never touch a cigarette again, so now there's really no turning back, talk about accountability!

I received confirmation last night that God is in control, and this is truly His desire for my life. We had some liquor and decided we would finish it off, and then we were done. My husband Marques went to bed and I stayed up determined to finish it since that was all I was getting (it's obvious I have a drinking problem)! I came inside from smoking my last cigarette and the television channel daystar was on. I began to pray and tell God that if He wanted me to do this than he had to help me more than ever before. At that moment, I immediately went to the bathroom and threw up. I hadn't been nauseas, and I wasn't drunk enough to where I would vomit, not to mention it's very rare that I vomit while drinking anyhow. I then took the remaining liquor and poured it down the drain. I was done and God showed me that He is as well, and that I was making myself sick, and he wanted that alcohol out of my body........at that moment and for good!

This afternoon I realized it was Wednesday and it would be good for us to begin our journey in church. We went to church and I was so pleased with the message because it spoke directly to my circumstance…

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

It was so fitting in more ways than one. Last night I was telling my close friends how I was afraid to let my coping mechanism go, my daily medicine that I had been taking for years. I was shown tonight that God didn't create me to be afraid, or weak, or with lack of self-control. His word tells me that I should have no fear, and that He is giving me the power to overcome, and surrounding me with His love. Not to mention, giving me a sound mind, and self discipline and control to fulfill my goals and His purpose for my life. Amen!

After we came home, I watched TBN because our pastor was on there interviewing William Young, author of "The Shack." I will definitely begin reading that book as soon as possible, but it was also amazing to hear Mr. Young talk about his past. He was sharing his experience with sexual abuse, drug abuse, and adultery, all things I have experienced as well. He built this huge lie around him and convinced others he was someone he wasn't.

I completely relate, I lived a life full of shame, guilt, secrets, and a facade so large I could no longer see straight. The walls have fallen down, the secrets have been revealed, and now the healing process begins. No more lies, no more acting, only true, honest, humble behavior and a journey to find father God and myself in a way I never have before!